Day 8: The Golf Show-or- How to bore a Kim in 10 minutes

My friend's husband posted that he was going to a Golf Expo over the weekend and asked if anyone wanted to go. I said I did. He thought I was joking. It took a while to convince him that I was serious but he finally got it. Then he got hopeful that my going would entice his wife to come, bringing a toddler and a newborn in tow. Haha, no way. I believe her exact words involved preferring to gnaw off one of her appendages. In any case, it was me and her husband.

If I had to do it over again I would not pick a male companion. I would pick a girl that is uglier than me. If she actually liked golfing this would be a major plus. Every booth I walked up to assumed that we were married (because most women will not come of their own volition). This is problematic in the boy shopping department. But let me tell you, a golf expo is a buffet of men. A lot of them are older, but a good number are not. The trick is talking to them. The most common scenario is that you are walking down an aisle and pass a cutie. I do not recommend grabbing their arm as they walk by, although it crossed my mind as the most direct path to communication after an hour of passing them by in frustration. I think that the only viable way to initiate contact is to find a cutie, follow them in a very circuitous way that puts you at the same booth at the same time, then find some nonchalant thing to say to him. My other piece of advice is to remember to be looking at faces, not at the stuff in the booths. As women we are natural shoppers and our instinct is to be focusing on the products for sale, even if you know it's just golf stuff that you don't need. You will find your eye caught by pink golf bags, magnetic bracelets, and a stupid little putting game that is full of choking hazards. Chances are you don't need golf clubs or a bag, the bracelets are an ugly gimmick, and nobody needs that lame ass-game. Keep on walking and keep your eye on the prize!

Difficulty to initiate contact: 9.5

Pros

It is a 98% male crowd

Golfing is not a poor man's sport = he probably has a decent job/ isn't living in his parents basement. It's not a guarantee, but it's a good start.

Cons

Talking to them is difficult

Day 7: Join a singles group

Back in September I spent entirely too much money to join a singles group. Events and Adventures plans out activities and pick the ones you want to go to, and pay the associated costs. Every month they have a "new member ice breaker" where a large portion of the members show up to mingle and socialize. I've only been to one so far and it was packed. There were certainly loads of single guys there. I've talked my friend into going with me. I hope it's better than last time. I spent the whole evening on the phone with my bank, explaining to them that I was not currently in Connecticut, spending over a thousand dollars at Rite Aid and Staples on my check card.

Joining groups like these is a great idea. There are free ones, a lesson I learned too late. However, at least I know that the people coming to this are not complete losers, as they could afford the ridiculous sign-up fee.

This group organizes activities such as hang gliding, caving, going to comedy clubs, karaoke, and many more. I might go caving this weekend but I want to feel out the crowd to see if anyone else is going. After caving about a dozen times I realized that it's just not my favorite thing. I think this has largely to do with the last time I went. They made me wear a wetsuit so thick that I couldn't bend my knees, a harness, and one of those helmets with a light on it. "Hey, even though you can't bend your knees, we're going to climb up this wall! Oh, and by 'wall' I mean waterfall that will be trying to drown you!". If I go, I am signing up for the easy one.

Friday, 7pm

My friend came over after work and we made our way to the bar/ restaurant. They reserved the downstairs bar just for this group. That's nice, at least I don't have to explain the lameness of this to someone who just happened to be there while our event is going on. New members get a red name tag, I have a gold name tag. I'm not sure how to feel about this. Also, it says Nancy Botwin on it. We each have a name from a tv show. We're supposed to find other people with character names from the same show. My character is from Weeds, which it turns out hardly anyone has seen. I order nachos as I start to regret not choosing the nametag Jo from the facts of life. I ended up hanging with the 'Facts of life' characters anyway. As the evening goes on it becomes unbearably loud and I have not seen one guy that I want to talk to. Time to go.

Difficulty to initiate contact: 2

Pros

Everyone there is single

The guys there are presumably looking for a girlfriend

Cons

These singles companies seem to attract more women than men

The activities can be spread over a range that makes a lot of them somewhat far

Day 6: Happy Hour

I picked a nice restaurant near an office park for my happy hour experiment. What I should have done was find out if they actually had a "happy hour". As it turns out, Sweetwater Tavern does not have a happy hour.

People came anyway. There were 6 pairs of women, including myself and my friend. We were not the only ones with this idea. By 5:30 there was a crowd in the bar. Some people in suits, some not. I ordered the southwestern egg rolls. They aren't as good as as the steak and cheese egg rolls with the queso sauce at Blue Ridge Grill, just saying. I wasn't actually in the mood to meet anyone just then, but wanted to scope out the scene and gauge the difficulty involved. It's actually pretty difficult. A lot of people come together in a group from work. I did see a single guy hitting on some women across the bar. I have no clue if he works with them or not.

Although this seems like a more likely place to meet someone, it's a lot harder than I thought it would be. In this environment, if you walk up and talk to someone, even if it's casual, your intentions are known straight away. If you are lucky enough to have someone interesting sit beside you, you might be able to be more stealthy about it.

I was sitting at the bar with a woman to either side of me. There were 2 guys sitting behind us but far enough away that making casual conversation would have been difficult. I think that in the right circumstance this environment could be a great resource for meeting someone. Today was just not my day.

Difficulty to initiate contact: 8

Pros

There were guys there

They had time to talk

It's early so it's a different crowd than going to the bar later

Cons

Making contact can be tricky

Day 5: The book store

The hardest part of this blog is that so many of the activities need to be done on weekday evenings. I could go to the book store at 10am, but that would most likely mean that any guy I met would not have a job. Then I end up waiting until 8pm, after people have eaten dinner and are saying "now what?". On this particular evening I am having trouble getting motivated.

Wednesday, 8:15 pm

There's certainly not as many cars here as on the weekends. I'll have
to come back on Saturday or Sunday. The cafe area is actually packed.
There are a few single looking guys but they are all on computers. I'm
not sure I understand the logic here. Presumably they do have internet
elsewhere so why are they here? Some have books piled around them but
most of them don't. I did a few laps around the store. The most
interesting thing I saw was a frazzled woman piling up self-help
books. I HAVE to see what she has. While perusing the section I see a
book called "women who think too much". I start laughing out loud and
have to explain to the frazzled women that without women who think too
much, there would be no self-help section.
By 9:00 half the people have left. Nobody really caught my eye so I'm
getting kind of bored but I figure that I can't just go to a place,
walk around once and expect to have a lot to choose from. So I'm
sticking it out, sitting in the cafe, typing this on my iPad. There is
actually someone I wouldn't mind talking to but he's buried in books
and a laptop. I can't think of anything to say and honestly, he's not
that cute. I did strike up a conversation with a woman who's reading a
book by an author I like. So I suppose the key to striking up a
conversation in a situation like this is sitting pretty close to
whomever you want to talk to. I'm feeling sleepy and tempted to start
playing "Angry Birds" instead of writing this. Time to get going. Hold
the phone, someone just walked in. I totally wimped out of making eye
contact and smiling. He just sat down but his back is to me. Blah, I
lean back in my chair and realize..... my fly is down. Fantastic. Like
I needed another challenge. Back to my plan of leaving. Pull sweater
down over open fly, check. Time to sleep.

My advice: Grab a latte and scope out the cafe. Move through the
magazine section and the music/ movie section as they tend to flock to
those areas. If you see someone you like engrossed in a project, sit
by them until it seems like the right time to say something
nonchalant. Make sure your fly is up lest you look like a moron.

Difficulty to initiate contact: 6


Pros

He may like to read/ be well read
There are a good number of guys there at any given time
You probably want coffee anyway


Cons

He may be deep in a project
You have to hang out for a while if you want to have a good selection
or a chance to make conversation.

Day 4: Another match.com date -or- Sometimes you CAN do the same thing and get a different result

Internet dating is always a crap shoot. You can pick someone with the perfect profile, the perfect pictures, the site says they match you in 25 different ways but you meet them and are completely disappointed. Conversely, you can meet someone with terrible pictures and a so-so profile and like them a lot. Mostly you forget about those "meh" profiles, but maybe you shouldn't.

I was contacted over a month ago and the only thing I saw we had in common was Scrabble. I challenged him to an online game and we've been playing ever since. We occasionally IMed while playing, but it was stuff like "I have four E's! WTF??" I hadn't put much thought into us meeting at this point and because it was over a month since he emailed me, match had deleted it and I was unable to even find his profile. So when he asked me out I really wasn't sure I wanted to go. The last match.com date was a disaster and due to the Scrabble being over facebook and thus linked to my blog, he knew all about it.

In an effort to be different than dinner he suggested drinks and appetizers. How this is different is beyond me, but I agreed to go anyway. I don't think it would have mattered if it was dinner or drinks. Conversation was easy, the wine was tasty, and we laughed a lot. There was no awkwardness and when we were done he paid for it before the bill even came (so hot).

If you decide to try online dating just remember that profiles aren't people and pictures can lie, and often do, both ways. So before you hit the "No Thanks" button make sure you believe that there is 0% chance you would like this person, because if there's a 1% chance, you should just go on a date and see. I still don't recommend dinner or drinks. Think of some activity that gives you a buffer, like bowling or ice skating.

Difficulty to initiate contact: 0

Pros and cons already listed on Day 1.

Day 3- The Dog Park -or- Dog spelled backwards is God

The dog park is an excellent place to meet people. Dogs are a great buffer and give you a topic to talk about. People LOVE talking about their dogs, in fact, sometimes you can't get them to stop. Every time I go to the dog park there is at least one guy there. Guys seems to be pretty good about walking their dogs and taking them out to play. The key to the dog park is timing. You might have to go a bunch of times before you find a guy you actually want to talk to, but the guys are there and are super easy to approach. Try to go at least 3 times a week either after work or on the weekends. Weekday mornings/afternoons are dead, of course. I definitely recommend taking a dog with you. Borrow one if you have to. Please don't be the weirdo with no dog hanging out at a dog park. That is just sad.

Difficulty to initiate contact: 1

Pros

You need to exercise your dog anyway/ your friend's dog needs exercise

Guys do frequent dog parks

They are not busy doing something else

Talking about dogs is comfortable conversation that lets you get to know them without them

necessarily knowing you're interested

You can leave whenever you want (I'm still scarred from the dinner date)

Cons

There are usually only a few people there at a time, catching a guy you might like there is tricky

Mud/ dog poop/ icky weather (it's currently 32 degrees)

Looking cute and staying clean can be tricky depending on weather and dogs jumping on you

Monday (a holiday), 1:00pm

Normally this would be a horrible time to go, but it's MLK day so everyone is off work. My hope is that they will be thinking "I should take my dog to the park after lunch". There were a few cars when I pulled up and about 5 or 6 dogs in the park when I arrived. Unfortunately, every man there seemed to be there with a woman. I actually think this is the first time I've seen that happen. There has always been at least one single guy there during previous visits. I stayed until 3:00 and had to leave due to the fact that I was freezing. I met a lovely group of ladies and had a nice time in any case. Another plus was that in order to fit the dogs in the car I had to take the air filters out.

Day 2- The Hardware Store-or- Where There's A Tortilla Chip There's Bound To Be Salsa

I actually got this idea from a book. The book pointed out that sometimes men go to the hardware store just to go. They peruse around and therefore have time to talk as they might not actually have anywhere to be just then. I do actually have some things that I need to get. I haven't changed my air filters in......... when did I break up with my ex? Changing the air filters is man's work. One of the bonuses to finding a guy at the hardware store is that he may actually be handy. Guys, a woman wants a handy man. It doesn't matter if I can change the air filters myself. I don't want to. I don't want to take out the trash or mow the lawn. I have no clue what I'm supposed to do about pipes in the winter. Or if I'm supposed to do anything at all. My closet doors are broken and the learning curve I'd have to go through to fix them just isn't worth it. I'm sure there is something I'm supposed to do with the ...crap, I can't even remember the name of it..... air heater thingy, for winter. These are just a few of the reasons why having a man around the house would be fantastic. I feel like mid afternoon is a good time to go. I am fighting the urge to bring a friend. I'm going to go get cute and head to Home Depot!

Sunday, 12:50pm

I was disappointed as I pulled into the parking lot. Not a lot of cars. Maybe there's a game. I'll have to check that next time, or not go on a Sunday. I walked all around the store, making my way very slowly to the air filters. Oh! There's a guy! Damn, a wedding ring. I said that about five times. While it may be true there are guys at a hardware store, Sunday afternoon is not a good time to go for the single ones. However, I did learn a thing or two about shopping for a guy in the hardware store.

Pros

Boys like power tools, so are bound to go there at some point

They are usually alone and thus easier to approach

It's easy to think of some valid question to ask them

Guys shopping there are more likely to own their own home

You probably needed to buy stuff there anyway but never felt like going

Cons

Homeowners are usually married

Approaching them can be nerve wracking

Difficulty to initiate contact- 6

If you do happen to find a guy that isn't visibly taken, here's my advice. Grab 2 of the same item, one expensive, one inexpensive. I got air filters because I needed them. But air filters are great because you can get the same size for either $1.99 or $19.99. With a 90% difference in price it is totally valid to ask someone why. So either park your cart and looked really confused next to a hot guy or lean over and say "is there really THAT much of a difference?". He's either going to launch into an explanation of the differing variables that make one better than the other, or tell you he doesn't know. In either case you need to make sure that all your body language is screaming that you're interested because boys are dumb. He may actually believe that you care about air filters (pssshhhh, as if that were possible) and leave it at that. Men don't trawl hardware stores for women so they aren't in flirt mode.

Today didn't work out but I'll try again sometime soon. I need a new rake anyway.

Day 1- A Dinner Date From Match.com or Just Because There's Food, Doesn't Mean There's Fun.

Internet dating is a little like shopping for clothes online from Victoria's Secret. You just have no clue if it's going to be right for you. This is largely because they don't carry most of their line in the store so you can't even go size it up then order it online. Sigh, I digress.

I'm meeting a guy tonight that I "met" about a week ago online. We'll call him "M". M's profile looked okay, not great, but okay. He quoted Einstein in his tag line, likes dogs, and has kind eyes. He emailed me a pretty generic email. I like it when they ask me to elaborate on some random thing I said in my profile. ie: "What is your technique for smooshing a grilled cheese sandwich?". If you read my profile, that would make sense, and that type of question draws me in unlike "So how was your week?" boring!

We're going to a nice restaurant for dinner. I hate blind dinner dates. Let's discuss why.

Pros

You are surely going to meet a man
You will have time to talk
You have some idea of what they're like from their profile.

Cons

You are stuck with them through dinner whether you hit it off or not

Meeting in this way often takes on the feel of a job interview

Difficulty to initiate contact rating- 0

THE DATE- Saturday, 6:30pm

We waited a few minutes to be seated. He had called ahead to get us on the list. +1 point for him. The food was great, he was cute, and yet that essential element was missing. To say we had nothing in common wouldn't be completely true, but it sure felt like it. This is the real danger of the internet date. You show up and have NOTHING to talk about. Sitting 2.5 feet directly in front of a stranger doesn't give you a whole lot of options to look elsewhere. It's awkward and uncomfortable. I was trying to search my brain for things I had read about him in his profile. Why didn't I reread it this afternoon??? I actually laughed out loud a few times at the long, uncomfortable gaps in conversation. Soooo........ yeaaaaah......hobbies? Why are all my hobbies stuff I don't actually do much of? Somehow we ended up talking about curling, which lead to golf (the Scots have different ideas of fun than I do) and he asked if I had heard Robin Williams standup on golf. I said that I hadn't and he said "oh, well..... it's really hilarious." ......................... me- "go on". He seriously wasn't going to tell me any of it?! Weird. The bill came and it sat there forever. I went to the bathroom, came back, still sitting there. I guess I'm old fashioned. He emailed me, he asked me out, he suggested the activity for the date and the location. He did finally pick it up. Then we still sat there in uncomfortable conversation. I even said "I think those people are waiting for a table, maybe we should....." Nothing. He just kept on. Was he having fun?? I can't imagine so, but you just never know. He reminds me of this dog I'm babysitting that isn't socialized and doesn't know how to play with the other dogs. Finally we left and headed for our cars saying "nice talking to you."

Day 1 FAIL.

A bit about myself- Dating disasters

I feel like I should explain a bit about my dating past so you know where I'm coming from. I started this post as the intro to tomorrows post, so I'll be jumping around in my timeline a bit. I could take the time to make this chronological, but I'm not gonna.

In an attempt to be proactive about finding someone I want to be with I joined match.com a few years ago. After about 50 first dates in 3 months the only thing I felt like I gained was a prescription to anti-depressants. A month after that I did actually start dating someone I had met on match.com. Needless to say it didn't last long, luckily though, neither did the anti-depressants. During the following year I dated someone I met in a bar. It ended in disaster and the ramifications are still forthcoming. Drunken rebounding karaoke sounds like an awesome idea but really it's not. Since that breakup I have been more or less content in my singleness. Always keeping an eye out, but not really trying. Everyone told me "When you stop looking, that's when he'll come. When you least expect it." What a load of BS.

I was tempted to blame Disney for misrepresenting "Happily Ever After" and planting ideas of unrealistic romances. I was part of the "Beauty and the Beast" "Little Mermaid" "Aladdin" generation. Surely if I kept waiting my prince would come. And maybe he would have but I sure wasn't waiting around for it.

My parents said "just stay in one place long enough for him to find you." Yet another load of BS. After college I moved to Florida to be a dolphin trainer, and I was, for a bit. Then went to work in the FL keys with other marine animals. Then moved to Orlando, then back home, then to Mexico for a year and a half (you can see why my parents gave the 'stay put' advice) then back home. Then I decided to backpack around Europe because I felt that I "needed to get out more".

Ladies, if you meet a man while backpacking please do not believe that the relationship will continue. Of course there are the 1% that do. But most don't. I wish someone had told me that. I met a hot Australian doctor in Greece, then spent a few months in England with him. We traveled to Spain together and were so in love... until he went home for Christmas and hooked back up with his ex-girlfriend. It left me holding a ticket for Australia and a broken heart.

I went anyway. I didn't see him, had a blast (for more info on this trip see wheretheheckiskim.blogspot.com) and traveled all around Australia, New Zealand, and Thailand. Luckily, when I had a fling with a Canadian in Thailand I knew what to expect and have no regrets.

It's currently Friday night, and I've decided to go over a friend's house instead of blogging about my singleness. I'm sure I left out a lot of dating history that will come out over the following year, assuming anyone reads this. If you like what I'm writing, let me know!

Finding Mr. Right: Blog intro- What is this all about?

Finding Mr. Right: Blog intro- What is this all about?: I am embarking on a year long project. Sort of like that movie Julie and Julia, but I'm doing one activity every day that someone met their husband doing..... then blogging about it.

Blog intro- What is this all about?

It has recently been brought to my attention that I am 30 and still single. I am moderately attractive and although I have put on a few pounds in the past year and a half (which I am losing, yay me!) I am still not hideous. Why then am I single? And more importantly, where am I supposed to meet someone?! I hear this all the time from single friends. Our choices seem to be the bar/ club, online dating, or meeting someone at work. I work from home so X that one out. My experiences with meeting people at bars are never positive. I have tried/ continue to try online dating sites such as match.com to no avail as yet.

Whilst returning an overdue library item (the charge late fees now!?) I found myself with time to kill and looked up books by matchmaker, Patti Stanger (I am a sucker for the TV show Millionaire Matchmaker). Although her book was checked out, I went to the section to see what else was there. Did you know there's an "Idiot's Guide to Finding Mr. Right"? There is, along with a few other books largely focused on what to do once you found one. There is a list in there of 99 places to find Mr. Right. My plan is to do one of these activities every day make myself approachable while doing said activity, and give you all the gory details of my experiences. In addition to the list I will be gathering information from friends on how they met their spouses, and coming up with a few of my own. Readers will be getting pros and cons of each potential meeting scenario and difficulty to initiate contact rating.

Tomorrow is Day 1- A Date From Match.com. Wish me luck!!!